


Smoke & mirrors

by reddogf13



Series: Short IT storys [10]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Memory Loss, Other, false family life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:34:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27305665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reddogf13/pseuds/reddogf13
Summary: A confused Beverly suddenly realizing she's in a house with no memory of her past 5 years. dating a strange man named Robert grey and a voice warning her in her mind to not trust him. informing her a frightful list of rules to keep her memory from the man. don't let him know you're scared, don't look him in the eyes. easier said then done while she dates and lives with him.
Relationships: Beverly Marsh/Pennywise
Series: Short IT storys [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1437988
Comments: 8
Kudos: 11





	1. Through the fog

It was a bright golden early morning over the town of Derry. Starting just like any other, yet something was … different. Beverly was inside her kitchen chopping up some bacon to add to a omelet she just started on for breakfast. Her smooth chopping movements slowing to a stop. Pausing to stare down at her simple task.

“... what am I doing?” finding herself suddenly lost. Everything was suddenly new and unknown to her despite this being her kitchen, her … house. “ what? … my house? Where? ...” stopping to look around. Alarmed that her memory was both giving a sense of things being the way they are, while also terribly wrong. “whats going on?! Where am I?! How did I get here?!” her mind raced. Scanning over everything to grasp at some memory of what the hell was going on. Fear tightening her chest to make the world spin on lack of air.

Leaning against the kitchen counter to catch herself from fainting. Now she was trying to remember **anything** from years back. What date she bought the house? Cant remember. What her job is? Cant remember. What she did a few months ago? Cant remember. What was yesterday? Cant remember. What she did before cutting that bacon? Cant remember. Was she suffering Alzheimer's? What was the cause of this massive blackout?

A males voice breaking through her panic to grab her attention. “Beverly?” he calmly spoke her name. She didn't look at him, her body outright refusing. Some sense of memory coming to the front out of her memory blackout.

**Don't look at him**

it was a warning from some part of her. Who was he? Why was he here in the house with her? Did she know him? Were they close at all? Her mind slowly answering for her. “his name is Robert grey and you're not as close despite what you may see or hear.” so much more details that only made her more confused. She shouldn't look at him, but if he was a threat she had to face him at some point. Turning around a little too fast to face him. Taking in what she saw of him quickly in a single look over.

A very tall man with pale skin, red hair, grey blue eyes dressed in clothes that looked a little old fashion. A dark duster coat over a dark brown vest with that over a white shirt. His pants a dark navy down to a pair of black boots. He was young and incredibly handsome that Beverly would blush if it weren't for her crisis right now. “are you alright?” he asked softly.

Beverly looked around nervously on how to answer. “uh, I … i-i don't feel well.” answering truthfully. She wanted to get out, away from _him_ , and run far away.

“do you want to lay down?”

“ uh, i- I want to see a doctor.”

this caught his attention to be more concerned. “okay, I'll drive you. How do you feel?” after clicking off the stove he helped her along through the house that felt extremely familiar, however it was extremely different in some way. Stepping through a door into the garage into a car.

Sitting down helping her shaking legs get a moment to regather their strength. “should I jump from the car? Should I run as soon as the garage door opens?” fear having her slowly suffocate. startled when the garage door loudly opened for Robert to pull the car out.

Driving along she saw so many things different about the town. The feeling of the familiar VS recognized changes becoming over whelming. Knowing all these houses that were brand new, yet recognizing how this area was once dirt, trees, and broken sidewalks lining a horribly pot hole covered road. She at least knew she was still in Derry. Things seeming to appear more the same in the middle of town. Aside from stores closed or replaced at some point. Getting out of the car overly quick in the small doctors office parking lot. Rushing inside to the counter ahead of grey to gain some space.

Leaning on the front counter working to hold her body from physically shaking. “i need to see a doctor.” the secretary about to speak, but was interrupted. “ **right now**.” Beverly urged the importance to not be shooed away due to lack of appointment made. Nervousness spiking as Robert caught up with her at the counter. Startled again by someone else calling her name.

“Bev! What are you doing here?” a girl her age happily came over to greet her. Slowing to a stop with concern at how Beverly was looking. “whoa, are you alright?”

“uhh, no. ...jess … I am not feeling to good and waiting for a doctor.” her mind bringing forth some information on the cheerful women. Getting a much more comfortable sense of actually knowing this person. A whole history coming forth that brought some calmness.

Jess was a cheerful girl she met during college classes required for her fashion degree. She always wore bright flowing dresses and was highly optimistic. They regularly hanged out at party's or doing camping trips during the breaks to get away from the main town. They were close friends for many years and had no bad feelings from their time together.

Jess turning concerned off what Beverly said. “oh, you okay? Whats wrong? Got some bad food poisoning or that nasty flu running around? I just got the flu shot 5 minutes ago.”

“uh, maybe.” she slightly waved off to wait for the doctor. Being sure to keep her gaze away from Robert standing near by.

Him stepping in to talk for her. “she got sick this morning while making breakfast and wanted to rush down here.” setting a hand on one of her shoulders. An action that looked comforting, but was anything but for her. Shrinking from the touch to practically run as soon as a doctor came for her. “uh, wait here. I need to talk with the doctor alone.” she spoke quickly to keep him from following any longer. Rushing into the doctors office to breath some air of relief at getting somewhat away.

The doctor noticing her behavior was slow to start his questions. “okay miss, marsh … how are you feeling?”

“i cant remember anything.” she got out right away. “ I've lost all my memory's for the past years. I don't know who I am with or how Derry looks, or whats going on in my life. It feels like I woke up from a coma this morning.” she spoke quicker and quicker into almost a crying breakdown. Needing the doctor to help calm her.

“okay, calm down or you may make your condition worse. Do you take any medication?”

“no, I don't think I do.”

“had any head injury's or been in an accident. Like a car collision or high fall?”

she wiped away some tears.“i don't remember if I did.”

the doctor wrote something on a clip bored. “okay, I'll check your records. If that's not the case we'll take some tests. A check up and blood work. Then possibly the bigger ones like a brain scan will be scheduled at the larger Derry hospital. Relax here while I get a nurse.” the doctor left her alone in the small office.

Beverly questioning herself if this was a health issue. “no, somethings wrong and it has to do with that _Robert grey_. Who is he and where did I meet him?!” focusing hard back on what little she just grasped in memory. She was in college for fashion design hanging out with Jess later meeting her other close friends Amy and Lisa, throughout the years. Lots of boring school that she really didn't mind forgetting. Their graduation from the college.

Her and jess getting a job in the same field for the same company. A grand job working outfits for a huge runway show coming up. The show turning out amazingly well then there was a huge after party. Then she ran into _him._ Introducing himself as Robert grey and despite charming everyone else, there was something Beverly didn't trust about him. Trying to avoid him like the plague while he stalked after her. Being extremely friendly like he was desperate for her friendship, but she wasn't having it. Expecting his reasons to be for sex back at his place.

Then he managed to catch her in a crowd. She wasn't cornered, surrounded by people and yet **some** thing happened in that moment. She looked back to face him with a cold glare right into his eyes and then the darkness just surrounded her. Everything after that is gone up until this very morning. It felt like this happened years ago, but exactly how long she wasn't sure. Peeking onto a computer screen in the room she could see the small date in the very corner.

2/27/ 2002. 5 years had passed since that after party. 5 years missing from her memory she felt instantly sick. “What happened and what did he do to me?! Has he been drugging me all these years?! That cant be, Jess or someone would have noticed me acting differently!” holding herself back from vomiting while standing next to a trash can just in case.

When the nurse came in she was asked more questions. Being given a regular check up with everything seeming only a little high due to stress. The doctor returned with her records being very empty of any accidents aside from some injury's after her and her childhood friends explored the water drainage system.

A small chuckle brought up from the memory. It certainly wasn't a case of them exploring. She was kidnapped by a demonic child eating clown. That is something she will never forget. Or the boys who saved her after she was taken. Saddened that after high school graduation they all separated to follow their dreams involving various colleges across the USA. Richie headed to LA for a talk show. Eddie followed to do behind the scene work with him. Ben went to new York for architecture, Bill went somewhere north west to get out in the country for peace and quiet to write. Stanley moved with his family and the same happened to mike after farm work wasn't needed much in Derry.

Derry had been growing and with that more houses had to be made. Mom and pop small stores couldn't compete with the larger chains moving in that replaced them. It was both good for Derry to get so much more opportunity coming in while sad to see childhood places disappear. The lush forests near by now replaced by rows and rows of houses. She sighed with a rub of her face as the doctors scheduled with her more tests. Mentality exhausted after being awake for maybe a few hours. Somewhat grateful that all her alone time was allowing her to build a foundation to her surroundings.

Building a shaky history to recall in the hazy years she lost. Memory's of hanging out with her friends. Building a career she now ran all on her own in fashion. Those memory's nice and clear until he entered her vision. It suddenly went all away until the next moment she took her eyes away from him. Some other memory's coming forth that weren't so pleasant. A male shouting violently at her followed by blows of pain. Was it all him? Attacking her to the point her memory's were warped?

After tests were done and blood drawn she was allowed to leave. The tests results would come in a week or so. Until then they recommend she stay home with someone with her at all times in case another major lapse of memory happened. Suggesting that maybe she had a silent stroke that had the possibility of getting better or worse in the coming days. She left the room back to meet with Jess.

Robert asking “are you alright?” going coldly ignored by her. Not even daring to look at him as she stared straight at Jess. “can I talk to you in private?” she asked Jess.

The girl nodded. “um, sure.” Glancing concerned at Robert off to the side before going with Beverly to the bathroom. “whats wrong? What did the doctors say.”

“we did some tests, but I am fine. Have I been acting strange at all?”

“no … are you sure they said you're okay? Didn't they do a blood test?”

Beverly brushing the tests aside. “they come later. What about after I met Robert? Was I acting weird during that party?”

“Robert? What, no?” Jess turning even more concerned at the mentioning of greys first name.

“who is he? Why do I live with him?! What happened during that party?!”

“who is he?! You two have been dating for years now. That's why you live together! What do you mean what happened at the party?! Are you okay?” Jess questioned.

“no I am not! And it has something to do with _him_! There's something wrong and I know hes the cause of it! I don't remember anything after that party after he stalked me like a weirdo!”

“Beverly I think you're really sick. I can take you to the main hospital. This is just a small doctors office and they really cant do things here if your seriously sick.”

“no, I am fine! I know I am fine except for him! He did something! He drugged me or something! I cant remember anything except that hes not safe! I need to get away from him and get a damn drug test!”

“listen to yourself! You think greys been drugging you for 5 years?! Hes never hurt you and we always go on our long camping trips. Don't you think at some point the drugs would have warn off during our two weeks camping? We need to take you to the hospital, right now. Wait here for a second while I talk with the doctors.” Jess gesturing for Beverly to stay as she left the bathroom.

Beverly anxiously peeked from cracking open the bathroom door. Seeing Jess talking with Robert rather then a doctor. Spiking her fear she looked for an escape. Seeing sunlight through the bathroom window she took it as her only way to escape. Rushing and squirming herself through the painfully small window. Landing harshly on the gravel pavement below that needed her to dust herself off. Hearing Jess calling her name from inside she refused to reply. Running off down the town streets to get far away. Not entirely sure where to go at this point aside from the hospital for a drug test.

Changing her course to go around the long way in the hopes of avoiding attention. She was walking through the forest away from roads to avoid people. No one could find her at this point, and yet, someone did.

she heard his voice behind her. “Beverly.” Fearing for her safety she faced him. Shocked he somehow found her and caught up so quickly without a sound made by his footsteps.

“get away from me!” she snapped aggressively.

“Jess told me what you said. I wont hurt you, Jess can take you to the hospital and leave you there if you'd like. Its not safe for you to wonder the woods. Please come back with me to the doctors office.” keeping his voice soft and body relaxed. He gave her lots of space between them to not scare her off.

“i am not going anywhere with you Robert!”

“Robert?” his attitude taking a sudden shift. Changing to something more serious and cold. “you haven't called me that in years. Whats wrong?”

“whats wrong?! You did something to me! Robert, Robert grey, who ever you are! I think you drugged me! Did something to me that night of the party! I don't want you getting anywhere near me! Fuck off!” shouting at him.

His body stiffened. “i didn't drug you. ...You're sick and having memory issues. Lets get you to the hospital and everything will be put back to normal.”

“NO!” she bolted into a run away from him. Not getting far before her hand was yanked back. Whipping around to face the man who somehow grabbed her unnaturally fast. Ready to punch his lights out when her mind clouded to the darkness for a 2nd time. Staring deeply into the blue eyes now changed into a glowing fiery yellow.

It was as if everything paused after that point. Forgotten until the next time her mind was release from what blocked it. Awaking to find herself at a table, in a diner, surrounded by friends. Half a eaten burger in her hands as her friends laughed and talked around her. Her confusion spiked, however kept herself looking calm on the outside. Slowly taking in what was going in to figure things out. Looking down she saw a cellphone near her plate. It had to be hers with how close it was settled by. Taking it up to check it with a small flip of its cover. Spotting the time and date.

3/25/ 2002. almost a month had passed. What happened since then? How could she question what was going on without being suspicious?

Jess noticed her checking her phone. “did work call you again?”

“oh, no. was checking messages to see if I was acting weird around that health scare last month.”

hearing Lisa speak up about it. “ you were completely normal aside from that freak out. Shows how scary a damn vitamin deficiency can be for you.”

Jess replying with a drink of her tea. “yeah, who knew a B12 deficiency can have you go wacko. I got so paranoid after that, now I am taking 12 different vitamins. Some I didn't even know existed!”

getting a laugh out of the table aside from Beverly who awkwardly chuckled. “you're telling me.” she bit back into the burger. Thinking of the supposed reason. “a vitamin deficiency?! They're passing my 5 year memory loss on that?!” getting more suspicious about her friends and the doctors. cutting her thoughts off before she could vomit out her meal.

Beverly excused herself from the table. “uh, gotta go to the bathroom. Be right back.” taking her phone with her into the bathroom. She had to figure out more about her supposed life. Checking the phones photos for anything. Going through them she saw all sorts of photos involving her and Robert.

On dates together at a table, drinking glasses of wine at office party's, they always looked so happy together. None of those moments she had any memory of. There were also many happy photos of her on camping trips, those she did remember. Jess did bring up a good point of drugs wearing off during their camping trips. Anything that didn't involve looking at Robert was clear to look back on, but after a few weeks camping wouldn't she have caught on. Why was this suddenly hitting her after so long?

“i guess after a while I could have become immune to whatever.” She sighed and rubbed her head. “maybe I should go to the doctors.” putting her phone away. She left the bathroom to dismally approached her friends.

Noticing her sudden change in mood.“you okay?” Jess asked.

Beverly shook her head. “it happened again. I cant remember the past month.”

the girls at the table were immediately alarmed. Getting up to console her, pack up the food, and take her to the doctors. On the way there she over heard one of the girls calling Robert about what was going on. Beverly was nervous about this and the guaranteed check on her he would do. She was suppose to be dating him, but her only memory of him was creepy stalking around a party 5 years ago. Maybe having a talk with him would ease her worry. Doing her best to relax until then.

At the hospital she answered all the questions she could. Waiting alone with her fearful thoughts of what could be wrong with her. was this her life now? Forgetting more and more of her life? Her eyes teared up at the thought of her depressing future. Questioning at only 28 years old if she should get her will together and end of life care. Hopefully Robert was a loyal man and would stick by her side during all of this. However those violent visions arose to the front of her memory. The yelling, shouting, beatings and things thrown her way. A nurse coming into her room broke the dark chain of memory's.

Asking Beverly a question. “a man named Robert grey is here. Is it okay if he visits you?” the women asked gently. After receiving a head nod the nurse nodded back with a smile before leaving to tell the man.

Beverly took in a deep breath in readying to speak with him. To apologize for her aggressiveness before. To speak of what to do from here on if her mental illness worsened. A voice in the back of her head returning to the front.

Speaking to her in warning. “he'll do it again. **Don't look at his eyes.** ” disappearing soon after. Something noticeable to her was that the voice wasn't her own. It was as if someone else was speaking to her.

Seeing the man out of the corner of her eye she looked to him. Opening her mouth, but ended up with nothing coming out. Freezing at the site of him by this overwhelming sense of danger being near. A deep seated glare of hatred naturally crossing her face the longer she looked at him.

he asked in a calm tone. “darling? Are you alright?” Not showing a sense of aggression toward her, but Beverly felt otherwise. Getting no response he stepped forward and reached a hand out toward her. Scaring her away from her seat.

“ **get away from me!** ” she aggressively snapped.

His expression turned sour to how she was reacting. “what is wrong with you?! Why are you acting like this?!” he questioned.

“there's something wrong with you!”

“what is?”

“i don't know! Something is telling me that you aren't to be trusted!”

his expression souring further into that chilling look. She barely managed to hear what he mumbled to himself. “hes ruining it.”

“what?!” she questioned what that meant. Seeing his eyes flash a bright yellow before the darkness swarmed in again.

The time slipping away from her to eventually drop her down. Coming to in new surroundings that she recognized as her bed. It was night and she was alone … for a moment. She could hear someone in the bedroom bathroom. The door shut leaving only the bed side lamp on to provide minimal lighting. She sat up and pulled the alarm clock close to check the date.

“still today, just a few hours lost.” getting up out of bed. She needed to run despite only being in light pajamas. She couldn't afford to pack while he was here and possibly readying to join her in bed. The thought making her violently ill as she rushed out of the room. Grabbing the car keys off a line up of hooks by the door. Rushing out into the pouring cold rain of the dark night. Looking around the barely highlighted surroundings from what little light pooled out of the houses windows. Shakily reaching out to yank the barely see able car door handle.

Sitting into the seat to shove the key into the slot. Turning it in the expectation the car would start to life, but their was nothing. Not a sound nor one little light coming to life inside the car. Turning and twisting the key desperately made no difference.

“fucking car!” she cursed. About ready to make a run for it down the road.

Alarmed when the car door was opened by grey. She made sure to have the front door in her sight at all times to make sure he wasn't coming out after her. Having appeared from no where he must have snuck around. No time to figure out how he snuck up she turned in grabbing the car door to swing it open. The click of the door locking itself had her heart pounding in her chest. Her shaky tries of unlocking the door being futile. She was trapped inside the car with _him_. Fearing to look back at him she froze her gaze on the glass reflection disturbed by rain drops. Using it as a way to watch without making direct eye contact.

Sitting still in preparation to fight back if he tried doing anything. Jumping when he shut his door to settle in the passenger seat. His golden eyes glowing in the reflection of the glass window.

“if he tries to touch me hes going to the hospital.” thinking to herself.

Startled by his voice. “Beverly.”

she cursed to herself for stupidly jolting from him saying her name. “... yes?” her meaning to answer calmly, but failing at that too.

“look at me.” he ordered.

“... why.”

“why wont you look at me?”

her nerves growing the longer this back and forth was going. Swallowing heavily when her stomach threatened to rise up.

“ We are usually so happy together. I gave you so much and you're still not happy. Why? why do you keep fighting? Id be easier if you stopped.” his tone taking a downward shift. “i wont let him take you from me.” his words chilling her blood.

What did he mean by all of that? Feeling him grab her shoulder she thrashed her fists around to beat him away. Pulled into facing him by him managing to grab a hold of her hand. Her turning to face him was a mistake she deeply regretted.

Those yellow eyes boring into her. This sense of recognition of them smothered by her memory's being repressed. His last words echoing through her fading mind. “everything will be fine. You're going to juniper hills asylum for some help.”


	2. Eye for an eye

Her next awaking had her fury build. She hated how she had no control over what happened. No knowledge of it either that left her feeling hopeless in enjoying her life. Where was she now?

“juniper hills for some help he said.” recalling the last thing she could remember. Taking in her surroundings confirming it by the small cell room. Only a small window allowing some light in broken up by the large bars in front. The small view over looking the small outdoor grounds. A few other patients dressed in matching white outfits wandering around.

The lone door to the room making a click noise as it was unlocked. Opening slowly for a nurse to greet Beverly. “good afternoon miss marsh. Are you ready for your noon meeting with your doctor?” the young women asked nicely.

Beverly stood quiet for a moment in thought. “should I bother? I cant grab any sort of control. Now I've ended up here.”

“ **go**.” spoke the voice in her head. She hesitated a moment longer when the voice repeated itself. “ **go**.” convincing her to follow along in seeing what could happen.

nodding her head “yes.” following the nurse after she was gestured to. Walking down the halls past a few other staff down to an office. Entering inside to sit at a table opposite to a welcoming doctor.

“ah, Beverly. How are you? Do you remember me?” the doctor asked.

Beverly thought back to recall what she could of her whole hospital stay so far. Coming up with the doctors name. “Dr. Benjamin.”

“yes, very good.” he smiled. “i wanted to check in on your progress. The therapists have been happy about the great progress you've been doing these past few weeks. No faults so far and tests have seen nothing out of the ordinary.” Setting various test papers in front of her to show the good marks. How do you feel?” he asked.

“... great.” she shrugged, like her answer would matter.

“at this point miss marsh we feel you're fine to head back out into the world. I just want to check and see if you feel that way too.”

about to say yes when that strange voice spoke up. “ **not yet.** ”

she wasn't sure what the voice was, but she was sure now it was something else talking to her. So far it seemed to be trying to help her away from Grey. “not yet.” she repeated to the doctor.

“oh? May I ask the particular reason why?”

hearing the voice whisper answers to her, she repeated them back. “i need more time. To make sure it wont happen again before going out into the world.”

“ah, understandable.” the doctor nodded. “your boyfriend Grey mentioned this happened a few times and your sudden hostility toward him.” pulling up a keyboard to be closer for typing. “I'll set you up to continue with the same schedule you've been on. We'll go on until the end of the month then check in again to see if you feel more ready. Hows that?”

“that sounds nice.” breathing a small breath of relief she wouldn't have to face Grey so soon again.

“you can head off to breakfast now.” the doctor letting her leave.

Off on her way to breakfast she thought of the strange voice filling her head. Questions of who it was and how it was connected to Grey. Why and how they become involved in her life. Picking up her food to sit somewhere quietly by herself. She picked at her food between small bites to chew through. About to rip open a wrapper surrounding a muffin decorated in sea creatures like crabs, turtles, and starfish. The voice speaking up to her when all was quiet during her delicate chewing of food.

Helping her to develop a plan for the next few weeks before meeting outside with Grey. “ **he knows when you're scared. You can't show it when around him.”** the voice informed her. “ **if you're not afraid. He can't do anything.** ”

from that day she knew what to work on. She had to not be afraid which was easier said then done. Alone in her room offered very little in the way of practicing toward a lack of fear. The voice giving tips the best it could for her to learn how to act around Grey. “ **Look him in the eyes despite how dangerous it is. Don't flinch, don't jump, and stand your ground.** ” reminding her during each memory test the doctors put her through.

Herself attaching the no fear response to the small puzzles. Remembering cards faced downward to create pairs off memory and guesses. How quickly she could recite codes shown for only a split second. Speaking sentences back in repetition. When away from the doctors she would repeat her own words back to herself. “no fear. No fear. No fear.” coloring pages with sea turtles in her free time to not be so bored in between.

The final days having her change from practicing no fear to planning how she would permanently solve the issue. She couldn't pretend to not be scared forever after all. The mystery around who Grey truly was and how he could do this. Was he drugging her or committing some hypnosis? Did she have to avoid accepting food and drink from him from now on? That wouldn't be possible as he would surely catch on to her being aware. When she gets back maybe she could snoop through the house.

“try to find old papers to read through. A photo album not on my phone could give me better clues. Photos taken from friends not trying to hide anything.” sighing. “god, hope I can even navigate the house. It felt so … different, but the same.” what little she saw of it brought recognition while a part of it drastically changed. Feeling Déjà vu all over the place without a solid reason why. Guessing it was because she lived there for years, but like everything else couldn't remember anything. Asking her friends could also fill in a lot of the blanks, however she would have to reveal her “condition” was still around. Could her friends be trusted not to tell Grey to “help” her? It would end horribly if she passed under greys radar, only to be exposed she managed to do so after confessing to her friends she was still “sick”.

When she got out shed have to weigh her decisions carefully. While juggling around Grey to stay under his glaring eyes. Her days were coming to a close in her hospital treatment. Her test results coming out how she expected, completely normal. No sign of foreign drugs in her system unless doctors were hiding that.

“i sound like a conspiracy nut.” chuckling to herself. The theory of Grey having every hospital staff and her friends working for him seemed far too out there. “then again I am hearing voices in my head. Maybe I am turning into a nut job.” getting up from her seat to head for dinner. A light meal of mashed potatoes, a lasagna square, and another muffin with a sea themed wrapping made more for kids.

Then the big day came of her official release. Awoken by a nurse coming to escort her to the front of the building for all her things. Talking along the way down the long white halls. “your boyfriend Mr. Grey is here to take you home. How are you feeling?” the nurse asked.

putting on a fake smile for the staff. “uh, fine.” while on the inside she was anxious. “been a bit since I saw Robert. I hope hes been doing fine while I was in here.”

that inner voice correcting her. “ **don't call him Robert.** ”

the nurse working to reassure her. “i am sure everything will be just fine. Hes been asking about how your doing everyday. Even through all of this he still really cares for you.”

“yeah.” was her simple response to keep a smile on. Following the nurse into a side room where another worker asked for her name. After receiving it the worker went off then returned with a cardboard box with her name on it. Inside was all her clothes from admittance day along with a small bag containing her wallet and cellphone. Being informed she can change her clothes out in another nearby room.

Switching out into non hospital clothes she was ready to come face to face with Grey. Taking a deep breath before exiting the changing room to follow the nurse out. Heart pounding faster along to how close she was in approaching the waiting room doors. Stepping out behind the nurse passing through the many locked doorways. Locking eyes with the intimidating Mr. Grey standing in waiting for her. She didn't have to step to far into the room before he was looming over her to stare her down.

Him speaking to her unsettled her stomach. “how are you feeling?” he asked calmly. Voice smoothly gentle that hid something sinister behind it.

Keeping her blue eyes locked to his silver blue ones. “fine.”

“how was your hospital stay? You stayed longer then I expected.”

“fine. I wanted to be sure I'd be okay …. out there. So no repeats happen.”

his calm demeanor shifting toward suspicion of her. Those perfect Grey blue eyes developing bits of gold. “no … we don't. Are you sure nothings wrong?”

she had to make up a good reason to explain she was. A simple yes she felt would not convince him she was unaware. “i am sure. The doctors did more tests and everything seems fine so far. … are you okay?”

knowing her answer satisfying him in some way off the golden flecks fading away from his eyes. “fine, darling. Stress has been getting to me a lot lately.” shifting from his cold stiffness to more relaxed friendliness in mannerisms. Smiling as he wrapped an arm around her to escort her home. “lets get you settled back at home in time for dinner. I went shopping and got everything to make your favorite meal to celebrate you're return.”

putting on a fake smile. “sounds amazing.” walking beside him while holding back on flinching away from his arm around her shoulders. Letting out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding when he let go. Moving around the side of his … _their_ , car to sit in the drivers seat. Getting in after him in slightly higher confidence that things were going well so far. Gazing out the window on the way home in figuring out where everything was. She didn't have the luxury of recognizing things slowly. She had to be on top of bluffing the knowledge before she even remembered.

Arriving back at their home he was quick to get to cooking in the kitchen. “you go relax and I'll make everything and call you when its ready.” he smiled off to the fridge for the ingredients.

faking a smile. “thanks Grey.” Heading off to secretly explore the house a bit. Her eyes caught by a large sign above their fireplace.

The large words _good cheer, good friends_ carved into the wood paneling. That Déjà vu boring into her skull causing her great annoyance. Even more so knowing shed be experiencing it so much at this point. Moving on to look over the various photos hanging up on the wall. More photos of her and Grey happily together, more camping photos, the same kind that didn't get her closer to knowing what was going on. Heading deeper into the house she saw a door she recognized as leading into the basement. A tugging sensation pulling her to go down and look around.

Cautiously opening the door to walk down the creaking old wooden steps. Brushing a lot of cobwebs out of her way she stopped by a huge blockage of wood. Boards forming some kind of round blockade against something. Nails mashed all over the blockade out of some obsession for it to stay together for all eternity, but why?

“no way I can pull this apart without him noticing … or without some tools.” looking at the mangled nails twisted in all sorts of ways from improper straight hits. The tugging picking up to pull her to some boxes. Finding large books. “photo albums?” surprised to find such. Looking through them still offered little help.

“what is this suppose to do?! Nothings coming to me from these!” whispering angrily at the air for that voice to possibly hear. Shutting the book causing something to slip out from the pages.

It was a yellowed page covered in smeared ink scribbles. “a check list?” looking over a list of strange items. Listed across it were:

humancy, job, money, house, car, move him, _get her_

a messy note at the bottom barely readable “he wont shut up. Why doesn't he shut up.”

questioning what this paper was for and where it came from she searched back through the photo pages. Ending up at the back of the book not knowing where. About to comb through it again when some papers slipped out from under the books leather cover binding. Gently pulling out a stack of yellowed pages covered in smeared ink. Sloppily written things with one in particular looking like a child wrote on the page. Even stranger was what was written.

The name _Robert Grey_ written sloppily having crooked or backwards letters scrawled repeatedly. The name covering the page slowly transitioning. The horrible writing to something curved and smooth that finalized into what most expected of a adult signature. The next page had more scribbles that made no sense to Beverly. Ink smearing all over words saying:

“it'll work.” “he says it wont.” “he wont shut up.” “it'll work.” “she wont know.” “she'll never know. She'll never leave.” “i have everything.” “she wont leave if I give her everything.” “she'll be too happy to leave.” “it'll work.” “it'll work.” on the back having more refined signatures of the name Robert Grey.

“okay, but why?” thinking over what the papers could mean. Why they were hidden in the back of a photo book in the basement. Nothing else she could gather from the room she left back up to the living space. Sitting on one of the couches to debate on her next move. A particular worry creeping into her mind at seeing it turn dark outside. She'd have to go to sleep with _him_ tonight. Could she manage to pull that off? What if he wanted to …

“dinners ready.” he called to her from the kitchen. Walking by with dinnerware to set at the dining room table. A large solid one of carved dark wood having the perfect white plates standout even more. Setting up silverware on napkins next to each plate. Setting it up for them to sit across from each other. “you can sit. I'll get the food, don't worry about it.” gesturing her to go to the table.

Following along to what he wanted she sat down at the table oddly set up. It was far too neat and perfect compared to how most would set up for dinner. This was like a fine dining set up with plates, multiple eating utensils on a folded cloth napkin. A little empty bowl off to the side next to a smaller square plate that held a stick of butter along side a butter knife. Closer to the plate was a crystal clear wine glass. His side being set up exactly the same down to the last centimeter of space between everything.

Grey returned to set her low edged bowl down onto the plate. He was definitely right in knowing what her favorite food was. Beverly perked up at seeing the tender crusted lamb forming an arch against each other over a bed of finely chopped greens seeping into a red sauce. Setting aside a wooden board that had fresh bread buns still steaming between the both of them and a medium pot full of hot vegetable soup. Scooping a small amount for her into the little bowl.

“thank you.” she spoke honestly toward him. Actually excited about the fine meal made for her.

“welcome darling. Want wine with the meal?”

“mm, no, water for now. Don't want to get drunk on my first day back.” being somewhat truthful in that she didn't want to get drunk around _him_.

He nodded in taking both their glasses to the kitchen. Coming back with clear ice water for her and a red wine for him. She nervously looked at the water in consideration that she didn't watch him make it. Therefore he could have drugged it without her noticing. However it seemed how he did these things never involved drugs, only his eyesight. Taking a roll with a little butter to eat between sips of water. The dinner went perfect between the finely made food and the fact Grey really didn't talk too much. Asking simple questions about what she did in the hospital. Her playing that she was worried about another black out and getting a will together. Then him reassuring her it probably wont happen again.

Now it was time for them to head to bed. Beverly brushing her teeth after Grey and changing into pajamas in the bathroom as Grey did in the bedroom. Making sure he didn't see any part of her naked while not being too suspicious. Laying down next to him in the dark she couldn't relax enough to sleep. Managing to do so only after the voice reassured her nothing would happen. Sleeping for a few hours when she woke again.

She was alone in bed in the middle of the night. Hearing some loud noises from down the hall.

Her mind answering to where it was most likely coming from. “the study.” getting up to sneak out and down the hall to the study room. Hearing Robert arguing with someone, but hearing no one else talking back before he replied.

“why are you doing this?! You're ruining everything! … no, I cant! … no! You don't understand! … no! … no! No! No! .. I cant! It wont work! … no she wont! Never! … stop doing that! I finally have it and now you wont let me keep it! … I am doing fine! Keep your damn nose out of my business!” he snarled, growled, and roared in the empty room. Going suddenly quiet inside for a few minutes aside from heavy wheezing. Stepping out of the room he ran into Beverly, startling her.

She almost locked up defensively again when the voice in her head spoke to her. “ **act normal, don't act scared.** ” it warned. She forced her body to relax and slapped on the best poker face she could.

“why are you out of bed?” Robert questioned a little more aggressive then his usual calm demeanor.

“i was thirsty … you okay?” facing his gaze.

He gave her a look of suspicion and looked into her eyes. Like staring into her soul for the truth. Some small flecks of yellow developing in his eyes that almost had Beverly flinch away, but she managed to hold her stare. “you should go back to bed.”

she nodded. “i just need a drink.” her actions seeming to have bluffed past him.

He looked away. “alright.” he spoke before walking back to the bedroom she was once in.

she breathed a sigh of relief. Now what to do? Looking toward the closed study door then back toward the bedroom door before cautiously entering the study. Looking around for who, or whatever he was talking to. Seeing not even a phone set up somewhere. She looked all through the drawers of the desk. No phone in there and things strangely pristine. No notes written anywhere or papers saved. The desks containing straight empty note pads and untouched pens. Sitting as if they were just put there to fill the empty space then be of any real use.

Moving on from the desk she checked the book shelf's. Seeing many random popular picks or duplicates of the same line up. Appearing to her to also be a strange alignment reminding her of a school play background that repeated. “who needs 20 copy's of hamlet?” picking one up to flip through.

Seeing that the whole book was made up of vast white pages. Not a single word was in the book she grabbed. Curiosity bringing her to check the rest of the books. All the same with not a single thing in any of them. After flipping through random books she started grabbing all of them out. Suspicious that they must be hiding something more like a false door. After pulling almost all of them she lost steam on going over them all again. This set up reminded her of fake play sets with everything for looks and no practicality to work.

She looked around the room for anything else out of the ordinary. Spotting a small spot on the ceiling darker then the others yet reflective. She grabbed the ladder meant for grabbing books off the high shelves. Setting It under the dark spot to climb up in investigation. Looking close she could see a small build up of water.

“a stupid roof leakage?” feeling she climbed up for nothing and smoothed her hand across the spot. She still rather not have a leaky roof even with far more serious things going on. Feeling the water stick to her fingers it pulled away when her hand moved off the spot. The water touching her finger tips sliding off, but not to fall down. They flew up to land back into the small collection.

Catching her off guard that the water was floating. “what?!” she whispered to herself.

Touching the water again to gently pull it down. The water hanging onto her fingers before dripping again back to the ceiling spot. “what?” she questioned again. Unsure of what to do with this information. Remembering she was told to return to bed and her taking so long may draw attention to her. She can investigate further tomorrow. Stepping off the ladder to place things back like she was never there. Swallowing her nerves on the way back down the hall.

as she entered. Seeing Robert sleeping in bed with his back toward her. Liking that he wasn't staring toward the door in waiting for her to return. She anxiously slipped into bed next to him. Laying still as possible to not wake him or worse catch his attention to do something. Falling back asleep to wake in the new morning by the alarm clock sounding. She felt him stretch on the other side of the bed. Rising up out of bed the same time he did.

“i am going to take a shower, do you want to shower first or after?” he asked.

“you can go first.” thinking it a chance to look things up on the computer. Maybe she'll find more on Grey that way. Where he was born, a family tree, some history if he somehow made the news.

He nodded and went with a handful of clothes topped by towels into the master bath. Beverly rushing out of the room as soon as the door was shut to the small closet holding a large computer. Waiting impatiently for it to boot up to start surfing the web for his name. Finding many Robert greys across the world popping up in her searches. None involving the one she was searching for.

About to click on another post when a pop up blocked her mouse. A image of a smiling turtle around some coastal news sweeping her away after a mouse mis-click. “dammit! Not now!!” trying to force her way back or stop the page from loading. Sucking away important investigating time she couldn't afford to lose right now. Halfway loaded the page turned out to be more useful then she thought.

There he was in a olden yellowed photo at some circus. Robert Grey the performer at the traveling circus before the great storm destroyed much of it while visiting Derry. She could see it was definitely him, but it couldn't be.

“the storm hit the area back in 1852.” she read off the article. “Robert cant be 150 years old. Maybe this was an old relative.” scanning down to find more info on this traveling circus when she heard him exiting the room. She shut the pages and forced the computer to shut off before rushing out to look like she was starting on breakfast. “anything you want for breakfast? Eggs, pancakes, or some coffee and just a little bit of bacon?” asking him while he came down the stairs.

“i am actually going to make an omelet. You want one?” taking out some bell peppers from the fridge.

“no thanks.” starting her own little meal of eggs and bacon. She couldn't keep this up day after day. Acting as a couple when she felt anything but. She couldn't kiss him, and wouldn't stand for trying to fake sex with him. She had to run before he started getting more intimate as a normal couple would. He was only holding back because she was “recovering” from a hospital stay.

“I've been thinking of taking a camping trip with the girls. Maybe getting outdoors with fresh air will help me better then staying indoors.”

“sure, could help you relax after all the stress.” Grey chopping peppers not too far away. “i can shop for anything you need to help it be less stressful. If you'd like I can pack everything, although I know you prefer packing yourself every time.”

“thanks Robert, that'd be great.” the name slipping out before she could realize her mistake. Freezing her cooking when it hit her and hearing him stop behind her.

He let out a frustrated growl and loudly set the knife aside. Mumbling under his breath. “he did it again.” then turning to Beverlys back. “Beverly, look at me!” getting straight to the point in what he wanted.

“no!” keeping her eyes bared down at the counter top in front of her.

“i will not let our family fall apart!” she heard him stepping closer. “i will keep this going for as long as I can! I worked so hard to get this far!”

Beverly tensed in a panic at what to do. She couldn't face him again and accidentally catch his eyes. Who knew if shed awake again from the dark fog. Her eyes speedily looked around before settling on a set of kitchen knifes. Lunging for one and without thinking swung around to attack. Feeling the blade slice through him. Her tightly shut eyes opening a smidge to see where she hit. Relieved so see she had slashed both his eyes. Holding his hands over them as blood seeped between his fingers. The blood seeping floating up against gravity to burn away.

“what have you done?!” he snarled. Voice warping making Beverly tense. “why did you do that?!”

“i am fucking leaving!” she shouted back.

“no you wont!” his voice warping further. A lump catching in her throat as he physically changed in front of her. His human appearance shedding to the clown she faced so long ago. His eyes were injured but he still faced her directly. “i wont let you leave after all I've done!” Robert, now revealed to be Pennywise the dancing clown, roared.


End file.
